sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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