dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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