Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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