careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I looked at my own cervix.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
