I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
this just has baby written all over it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
