using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
