I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We are two peas in an std pod
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am available for nakedness
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wear drunk well.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
