I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
