He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Alive.
So much puke
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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