Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
