you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
