im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
