she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
why do cheetos always look like penises
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
