I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
