if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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