Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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