You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
