I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
