Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
