and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
