You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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