I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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