Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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