So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
