hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
