It's Friday. Sex?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
