Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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