Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
