I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
