Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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