I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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