i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
