I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
