our cab driver is having phone sex.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
