I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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