I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
that's an acceptable place to lick
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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