At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
