Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
