i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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