my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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