ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
