i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
