Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
