The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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