And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
