Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
