It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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