they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
