OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
