u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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